is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
