why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She tied me up with her honor cords...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
