its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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