So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize