I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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