Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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