Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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