I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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