Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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