I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
