Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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