This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
