did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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