How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize