So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
