Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
