were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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