There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize