sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he shaved USA in his pubs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
