I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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