Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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