is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
