Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
