Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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