That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
