Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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