I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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