I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
