"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
