I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
