I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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