I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
