i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
