life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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