Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
