i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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