I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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