nut hugger
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
