Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Plan B is the new Plan A
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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