Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
