so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize