Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
