girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
