i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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