you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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