Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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