she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I want to be your penis for a week.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
