I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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