I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
