He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
3pm strippers are depressing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
