Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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