break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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