I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
