White coat. Heels.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
