WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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