I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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