Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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