I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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