oh god the rape fog is back!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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