You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
