I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
