Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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